You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
