The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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