U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
