OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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