oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
