Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize