I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
