New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
