DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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