hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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