Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
