I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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