But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
