I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
