Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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