Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize