and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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