I haven't been this sober since birth.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
