she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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