Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
