whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
