1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
