So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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