yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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