Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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