after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
