Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
