thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there was a trapeze. enough said
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
