Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
