I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
