who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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