great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
