And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
