I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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