But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I won the penis lottery.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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