I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
