the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
