i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
