I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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