I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
