Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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