I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
