my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
