Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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