I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize