okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
