Will you blow on my dice?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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