he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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