My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
