she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
