I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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