Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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