There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Randomize
