Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
