it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
