I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
