last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
