I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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