dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
