Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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