ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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