I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
