Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
