I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
