i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
