I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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