great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
