my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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