I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
