You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Alive.
So much puke
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
