Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
